It’s not my fault, are you listening, are you there?
I told myself again and again, as if self awareness absolves assigned blame
How dare you, I was there too, I was right with you
In the parking lot, at the movie theatre, bartering with the garage attendant
How did you get so out of control?
What hothead of dependence converted you from master to slave?
I used to crave you
I used to compare everyone to you
And what did you do?
Accuse, attack, ascribe
I didn’t do this, I didn’t mean to,
It’s not my fault
Stop telling me what happened
Stop spinning this gilded web of guilt
I’m bound and gagged and choked
It’s not my fault, it’s not yours either
It’s that place
It’s that decade
It’s the goons
It’s the way we felt when the numbness set in and you held me actually held me, human touch, We were everything,
Everything was nothing
And the ticking slowed, and we buried the bomb, and the clouds coalesced,
Some day I won’t find you.