You are all the things that are wrong with you

I’ve been gone for a long time
And I’m not sure that I’m coming back
But I hope you know I love you
This will have to count as me saying it
You can’t count on me
You can’t trust me
I will admit it but I will not change
I have tried
But there’s something organically, chemically, biologically WRONG with me
Threaded through my DNA that makes it easy, makes it compulsive for me to look away, to ignore, to judge from this higher ground
I won’t see you around
But you’ll know I was there
You’ll see the footprints, feel the heartbeats, breathe my ghost, exhale my memory, toast to something else, around the same table, same plastic cups, new fake celebration,
And I’ll never show my face
But never go away.