Toreador

The gentleman on the outside
Holding the door open, paying for the drugs, that one time with the flower petals and in the bath, like you could rinse my soul with working man hands
Like you understood what was wrong
Could decode my behavior, assign the blame, repair, the holy carpenter
I thought you were everything, you got me close then you went far, cold distance, metered miles, deaf shrugs and long pauses, and breathing on the phone, banging on the door, when I finally said it and it set in, you put me in peril all along,
I didn’t need to be rescued
But you wanted to save someone
You let me get used
And I still get hot but nothing about you is warm and the hair becomes fur fists clenched into hooves swinging tail bloody horns
I saw the monster from the inside